TEXT SMS INSULTS
☻Sure, I’ve seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission…
☻Hi there, I’m a human being! What are you?
☻I’ve seen more life in a down and out’s vest.
☻You’re red shirt goes well with your eyes…
☻Save your breath…You’ll need it to blow up your date.
☻Shouldn’t you have a license for being that ugly?
☻Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
☻Folk clap when they see you…but they clap their hands over their eyes.
☻You’re about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder
☻All day I thought of you….I was at the zoo.
☻I’d love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can’t count that high.
☻You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
☻He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe
☻Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
☻Them: Here’s 10p - go and tell your mum you’re not coming home
You:Here’s a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener
☻Haven’t I seen your face before - on a police poster?
Look who’s talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to
get out.
☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you’re living proof that even a turd can be polished.
☻Let’s be honest with each other . . . we’ve both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you’re right. Let’s go and pull some girls.
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
☻Brains aren’t everything. In fact in your case they’re nothing
☻Don’t let you mind wander - it’s far too small to be let out on its own
☻He doesn’t know the meaning of the word “fear” - but then again he doesn’t know the meaning of most words
☻I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works
☻Your face looks like you’ve been using it as a doorstop
☻Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
☻If your face had “Welcome” written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don’t you make sure the pool has water in next time.
☻Your face is such a mess, why don’t you get your dog something different to chew on ?
☻Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
☻Your face doesn’t look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
☻If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn’t say Hi to folk, I’d say BOO!
☻You’ve got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
☻You got a face only a mother could love…unfortunately she too hates it!
☻I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
☻Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
☻Sure, I’d love to help you out…now, which way did you come in?
☻Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn’t have given you worse advice…
☻I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.
☻Well, they do say opposites attact…so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest,
intelligent, and cultured.
☻I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
☻Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.
☻You started at the bottom…and it’s been downhill ever since!
☻I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
☻Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
☻I know what sign you were born under…’RED LIGHT DISTRICT’
☻4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
dogs dont shop
u can giv away ur dogs children
any guy can get a good lookin dog!
☻Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no
beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!
☻This sms can only be read by someone SEXY
try again
again
maybe you are
just not sexy?
one more time
hey don’t force it ugly!!!
☻I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful… I look at you.. I.. I’d rather look at the moon again..
☻As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of
all of them.
☻Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not…
☻My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life…
☻Roses r red, violets r blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are u.
But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da sugar bowl’s empty and so is ur head!
☻ Do I look like a damn people person?
☻This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting
☻Haven’t I seen your face before - on a police poster?
☻Look who’s talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.
☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
☻Well, you’re living proof that even a turd can be polished.
☻Let’s be honest with each other . . .
we’ve both come here for the same reasons.
☻Yes, you’re right. Let’s go and pull some girls.
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
☻Brains aren’t everything.
In fact in your case they’re nothing
☻Don’t let you mind wander
- it’s far too small to be let out on its own
☻He doesn’t know the meaning of the word “fear” -
but then again he doesn’t know the meaning of most words
☻I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works
☻Your face looks like you’ve been using it as a doorstop
☻If your face had “Welcome” written on it,
it would make a perfect doormat
☻If you put your face by a door,
no one would ever come in
☻Your face is such a mess,
when you practice diving why don’t you make sure the pool has water in next time.
☻Your face is such a mess,
why don’t you get your dog something different to chew on ?
☻Them: Here’s 10p - go and tell your mum you’re not coming home
You: Here’s a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener
☻Them: I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I’ll make an exception
☻Haven’t I seen your face before - on a police poster?
☻Look who’s talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to
get out.
☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you’re living proof that even a turd can be polished.
☻Let’s be honest with each other . . . we’ve both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you’re right. Let’s go and pull some girls.
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
☻Brains aren’t everything. In fact in your case they’re nothing
☻Don’t let you mind wander - it’s far too small to be let out on its own
☻He doesn’t know the meaning of the word “fear” - but then again he doesn’t know the meaning of most words
☻I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works
☻Your face looks like you’ve been using it as a doorstop
Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
☻If your face had “Welcome” written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don’t you make sure the pool has water in next time.
☻Your face is such a mess, why don’t you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
☻Your face doesn’t look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
☻I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
☻You’re about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.
☻You’re about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.
☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!
☻Are you typing with your forehead, again?
☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor.
☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
☻A rose by any other name still has thorns.
☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
☻Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.
☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
☻People like him don’t just grow on trees - they swing from them
☻When he dies, they’ll bury him face down, so that he can see where he’s going.
☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.
☻He’ll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady
from sitting down.
☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.
☻You couldn’t warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You’re strange and I’m wonderful.
☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging
the issue.
☻Gravity doesn’t exist. Earth sucks.
☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.
☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it’s safer to harass rich women than
motorcycle gangs.
☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the
rest of the world is up to.
☻I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
☻You’re about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.
☻You’re about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.
☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!
☻Are you typing with your forehead, again?
☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor.
☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
☻A rose by any other name still has thorns.
☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
☻Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.
☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
☻People like him don’t just grow on trees - they swing from them
☻When he dies, they’ll bury him face down, so that he can see where he’s going.
☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.
☻He’ll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady
from sitting down.
☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.
☻You couldn’t warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You’re strange and I’m wonderful.
☻Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.
☻For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
☻He’s so full of shit, his eyes are brown.
☻He’s running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
☻You’re so weak, you couldn’t knock a sick whore off a shit pot.
☻Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!
☻Get your mind out of the gutter - it’s blocking my view.
☻If you can laugh at yourself, you’ve got a really sick sense of humor.
☻Mother Nature is a supreme bitch.
☻Is that a comeback? For fuck’s sake, I wipe my ass with sharper stuff than this.
☻He fashions himself as an Insult Samurai. Insult Kamikaze is more apt.
☻Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging
the issue.
☻Gravity doesn’t exist. Earth sucks.
☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.
☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it’s safer to harass rich women than
motorcycle gangs.
☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the
rest of the world is up to
☻Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
☻Why don’t you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?
