Funniest PUN SMS Jokes
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
Gravity is studied a lot because it’s a very attractive field.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
Prison walls are never built to scale.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
When one is afflicted with loss of balance they never quite know vertigo.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
They tried to keep a locksmith in prison, but the nut bolted.
There was a fight in the candy store. Two suckers got licked.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
Grand Canyon just gorges?
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Some people’s noses and feet are build backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
Some musicians can be sharp, which is not natural.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
He said I was average - but he was just being mean.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in
France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
It’s better to love a short girl than not a tall.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.
There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for lack of concentration.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
The church janitor was also the organist, and had to watch his keys and pews.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.
Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.
The two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged.
Suspenders are in their own support group.
A doctor drank while putting on patients’ casts. He was soon plastered.
Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.
He avoided funerals because he was not a mourning person.
Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.
When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.
She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.
I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.
When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
It wasn’t school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
To some - marriage is a word … to others - a sentence.
If you give some managers an inch they think they’re a ruler.
A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don’t yell out Hi Jack!
The couple who met in a revolving door are still going round together.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.
The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.
When the smog lifts in
Los Angeles, U C L A.
A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
When asked by a passenger how high he would get, the pilot replied,’I don’t do drugs.’
Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.
Tennis players don’t marry because Love means Nothing to them.
A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Ancient orators tended to
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.
The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.
France are musical because they have french horns.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Talking to her about computer hardware I make my mother board.
There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.
The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
The queen’s favourite chef was knighted Sir Loin.
When the human cannonball retired they couldn’t find a replacement of the right caliber.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
An illiterate fisherman was lost at c.
Local Area Network in
Australia: the LAN down under.
The Buddhist refused pain-killers during the root canal because he wanted to transcend dental medication.
When chemists die, we barium.