Mama Jokes
June 16th, 2006Yo Mama and Yo- Jokes
☻Yo mama’s a stunt double for the Predator
☻Yo mama is so bad, when she got called for jury duty she was found guilty.
☻Yo sista so fat that she gets runs in her Levi’s
☻Yo mama’s so fat, she ain’t on a diet, she’s on a Triet - She’s all like - “Whatever yo eating … I’ll try it!”
☻Yo Mother in law’s so fat, she was floating in the Atlantic ocean and Spain claimed her as a New World.
☻Yo mama’s so fat, she gobbles down Cookies as if they were tic-tacs
☻Your moma’s so stupid she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.
☻Yo mama’s so large, she went to get an all over tan and the sun burned out…
☻Yo Star Trek nerd so hairy she make Chewbacca look like Jean Luc Picard.
☻Your house is so disgusting that I tripped over a rat, got bitten by a tarantula and to top it off - the cockroaches nicked
ma wallet…
☻I saw Yo mama at the freak show petting the world’s largest wilderbeast.
☻I could have been Yo daddy, but the gorilla in front of me in line didn’t use a condom.
☻If yo Momma n Poppa got a divorce, heck, they’d still be Brother and Sister
☻Yo mama’s so fat that when she walks across the living room, the radio skips
☻I got on the train last night - they had a new sign up reading - “Maximum Occupancy: 200 Patrons OR Yo Mama”
☻Yo grannie’s so fat, on each of her butt cheeks she has “Place Your Ad Here” printed.
☻Your mamma’s so fat, the body snatchers called home for backup.
☻Yo AOL buddy so stupid when the Computer said ‘Press any key to continue’, she phoned support complaing she couldn’t find
the ‘any’ key…
☻Yo mama’s so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.
☻You mama’s so daft she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.
☻Yo Cousin so stupid that when I said I was going to Thailand she asked me if they still sold Kippers….
☻Your so ugly even the Elephant Man makes jokes about ye!
☻Yo Nana so ugly she didn’t get hit with an ugly stick, but with THE ugly log.
☻I was speaking to your parents - they told me you was such an ugly baby they had to feed you with a slingshot.
☻Yo’ kid brother so hairy, when I took him to the zoo the gorillas went ape shit thinking I had stole one of their babies…
☻Yo mama only got 1 finger and runs around stealing key rings.
☻Yo auntie Ethel’s so toothless, it took her an hour to eat minute rice.
☻Yo mama’s like the new AOL 7.0: Fast, fun, oh so easy and you get 100 hours FREE
☻Yo brother’s mouth so damn enormous, he speaks in Dolby surround sound!
☻Yo girlfriend’s hips are so big, folk set their drinks on them. Your Noggin’s so damn big you gotta wash yer hair in the
Niagra Falls…
☻Yo Mama’s so freakin nasty, I talked to her over the PC and she gave me a virus.
☻Yo mama’s like a pirate, there she blows
Yo mama is so fat she has three shirt sizes, jumbo, humongus, and “OH
MY GOD IT’S COMING TOWARDS US!!”
☻Yo mama so poor i saw her kicking a can down the street and asked her what she was doing she said moving.
Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed with her to see how long she slept.
Yo mama’s so damn stupid on a job application it said “sex” and she wrote Monday wednesday and sometimes friday.
☻Paris and Rico walked into the locker room holding his side and bending over. Paris says “ow man im so sore” Dario asks ”
whats wrong?” Paris replies ” man yo mama was rough last night” Rico adds ” she needs to loosen up”
☻Yo mama such a dirty whore that they’re having to paternity test the whole state of Texas just to find out who yo daddy is!
☻Yo mamma so old that in the back seat of your car, kids don’t say ‘Are we there yet’, they scream, ‘Is she Dead yet!’
☻Yo mamas so hairy wen u were born u almost died of rugburn
☻Yo mama smells so bad, when she went to make friends with a skunk, the skunk got hit by a truck on purpose!
☻Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a bathroom and nearly pissed her
pants
☻Yo mama so fat her logo is “we are family, burger king, mc donalds and
me…”
☻Yo mama so fat she has all the food caterers on speed dial
☻Yo mama is so big she tripped over wal-mart and landed on target and evey time she passes by the t.v. i miss a seoson of
friends
☻Your mommas so old someone told her to act her age and she died
☻Yo mama so poor that when i stepped on a cigarette she cried, hey, who turned off the heater.
☻Your sister is so ugly she reminds me of your mom.
☻Yo mamma so ugly, yo daddy would rather kiss her ass before going work everyday
☻Your moms so ugly the mailman mistacked her as the dog.
☻You mama so fat she stepped on an airplane and it turned into a submarine
☻This is a fact, yo mama’s breath Is wack, she needs a tic, not a tac, but the whole damn pack
I don’t mean to be mean, but yo mama needs listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole damn bottle.
☻Yo Mama’s teeth are so yellow, cars slow down when she smiles!
Yo Mama’s breath is so bad, she made a tic tac run away!
☻Your jokes are so corny that the corns on your toes got jealous.
Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window she was arrested for 1st degree murder.
☻Yo mama like a fast food restaraunt - quick and easy!!!
☻Yo moma is so fat when it rains she uses a highway for a slip ‘n’ slide
☻Yo mamma so damn fat that when she traveled back to the dinosaur times and she took a step the dinosaurs said what the hell
is happing…oh shit its a real damn earthquake.
☻Your mama so stupid when she saw a kid dress as a devil in halloween she thouth she was in hell
☻Yo Momma’s so ugly, even Sloth from the Goonies wouldn’t date her.
☻Yo mama like a shotgun - five cocks and shes loaded
☻Yo Mamma so damn ugly she makes Anne Ramsey look like J Lo.
☻Yo’ mamma so ugly she got arrested for vandalizing a mirror shop.
☻Yo mama so stupid she put a peep hole in a glass door
☻Yo mama like nascar - two rubbers and shes ready to ride.
☻Yo mama’s so ugly, she made a blind man cry!
☻Yo mamma so old, fat and hairy, that when she took you to the zoo the zookeepers thought a silverback Gorilla had abducted
you!
☻Yo mama so fat, that when u were born, they had 2 send out a search party to find ya!
☻Yo mama soooo ugly, she works as a double for Saddam Hussein.
☻Yo moma so stupid if she would to speak her mind she would be speachless
☻Yo mama soooo poor she can’t even pay attention!
☻Yo kid brother so damn ugly that the kids at school have started saying, “Hey Gollum, give us your autograph”
☻Yo mama so0o0o fat, one day she walked out with a yellow rain jacket on and the children began yelling, “Hey, the School Bus
is here!”
☻Yo mama so0o0o fat, she takes baths in the Atlantic Ocean
☻Listen buddy, your mommy is so freakin dumb that if you told her pappa was a rolling stone, she’d tell her momma to put mick
jagger on child support!
☻Yo Momma so damn fat the Police where going to use her as an emergency air mattress when Michael Jackson started dangling
his baby.
☻Hey, yo momma so damn fat when her beeper goes off people turn around to see if she is backin up!!
☻Yo moma so fat when she wears a yellow rain coat all the people yell “taxi”
☻Yo mama’s so damn fat that when she was kidnapped her face covered every side of the milk carton!
☻You so ugly when a friend walked you into school the teachers said sorry no pets aloud!
☻Your Mama so dumb she brought a spoon to the super bowl.
☻Yo Mama’s so damn ugly that she turned your dad gay.
☻Yo mama’s so bald, Mr. Clean got jealous.
☻Hey, your Momma is so sluttie I’d call her a hoe but hoes’ get paid.
☻Yo Mamas so damn greasy that she has to use bacon for a bandaid.
☻Yo’ mama so dumb she got locked inside Matress World and slept on the floor.
☻Yomomma so hairy that when she puts her arm to her side it looks like she has Don King in a headlock.
☻Yo mama so stupid that she got stabbed in a shoot out.
☻Yo mama so fat that when she went to sea world the little kids ran away and told their parents that a whale escaped.
☻Yo’ Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!
☻Yo mama so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch.
☻Yo’ Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!
☻Your mama’s so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
☻Yo Mama so damn old she used to Gang Bang with the Flintstones and had an affair with Captain Caveman.
☻Yo mamas so fat she shoved a battery up her ass and yelled “I got the Power!”.
☻Yo mama so stupid and clumsy, she got tangled in a cordless phone.
☻Yo mama soooo fat, she put on a yellow dress and the kids thought she was the school bus.
☻Yo’ Sista’s just like a like a Popsicle - everybody wants a fuckin lick!
☻Yo Mamma’s so hairy she just got an armpit trim and lost 20 pounds!
☻Yo Moma sooooo ugly, I could have been yo Daddy but the dog beat me under the fence!
☻Yo momma is soooooo stupid, she wears a t-shirt that says “hukd on fonicks woorkd fo mi”
☻Yo mam like a screen door - after a couple of bangs she tends to loosen up.
☻Yo mama is so fat she sat on a rainbow and made Skittles!
☻Yo mama so stupid she puts a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept
☻I heard that Yo mama is on the warpath - she lost a finger and now can’t count past 9…
☻Yo mama so nasty when she masterbates, she gets arrested for cruelty to animals.
☻Yo mama’s blind and is seeing another man.
☻Yo mama’s glasses are so damn thick she can see into the future.
☻Yo mama’s so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.
☻You gotta tell yo moma to stop changing lipstick color - I’m now getting a freakin Rainbow on my d**k!
☻Yo sista so damn stupid on her last job application where it said ‘Sex?’ she marked “M, F, and occasionally on a Thursday
too..”
☻You’ big brother so damn stupid that on his last job application, under emergency contact he put 999 (911).
☻Yo mam is so stupid - I just aks her about her X-Men and she said: “Well, my first baby’s daddy was Jimmy…and I still see
Johnny on Fridays….”
☻Yo Grannie so stupid she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
☻Yo Mother in law’s teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road.
☻Yo Momma’s like a Snickers bar - packed full with with nuts.
☻Yo ex-girlfriend’s like Humpty Dumpty… first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.
☻Yo mama’s like a race car driver…she burns a lot of rubbers…
☻Yo Auntie just like the Suez Canal - Vessels full of Seamen passing through everyday…
☻Yo gilfriends’s afro so damb big, when the bitch got in my car everyone thought I had tinted windows.
☻Yo Mama ass so huge she take up 5 rows in the cinema…
☻Yo Papa’s so short, he tried to commit suicide with a pin.
☻Yo Grannie’s so enormous that when she went to the drycleaners to hand in her underwear, they put up a sign - ‘NO PARACHUTES
ALLOWED’
☻You Biology teacher so freakin stupid she thinks that DNA is the National Dyslexics Association.
☻Yo’ best friend so idiotic she thoughtt Menopause was a button on her walkman.
☻You Momma so fat and stupid that her waist is bigger than her I.Q.
☻Tell Yo’ girlfriend my Dog wanna know how much he owes her for last night…
☻Yo’ papa so damn strange that he invented a water-proof teabag.
☻Yo mother in law so bald that when she put on a sweater, folk thought she was a roll on deoderant!
☻Did you know flies were given wings so that they could beat yo mama to the dump?
☻I heard yo house was made out of bog paper - why? cuz your whole family full of crap!
☻Yo kid brother so fat and ugly Peter Jackson offered him the part of the Cave Troll in lord of the rings
☻You Nose so damn big that we use yer snotters as Footballs.
☻Yo Momma so mad that she even made Kurt Russell escape from LA.
☻Yo Nana so ghetto she washes paper plates.
☻Oi, yo need to tell you mama to stop wearing the blue lipstick…I got balls like a smurf now!
☻You so skinny, you turned sideways and disappeared.
☻Yo mama’s so bald, when she braids her hair, it remind me of stitches.
☻Yo Mama so fat when she steps on a scale it reads “One at a time, please”.
☻Yo mama so fat and stupid that she was fired from Forrest Gump cuz she kept eating the box of chocolates.
☻Yo Sista so fat the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
☻Yo Mama so poor that she uses tumbleweed as a Xmas tree.
☻You Mommy so hairy she’s got afros on her nipples.
☻Yo’ mama breath so disgustingly bad that she needs Freshmints with batteries in it
☻Yo Papa’s like an old arcade machine - toss in a quarter and you can play with his joystick.
☻Yo mama such a bitch, she interned for Clinton.
☻I told her drinks were on the house…so she went and got a ladder…
☻she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner
☻she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
☻she noticed a sign reading ‘Wet Floor’…so she just did!
☻it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
☻when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, “Wow, it comes with cable too!”
☻she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
☻she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
☻she sold her Car for Petrol cash!
☻she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund…
☻she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.
☻she leaves tell tales signs she’s been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.
☻she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
☻I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
☻it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.
☻she invented a silent car alarm.
☻that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean
☻she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies…
☻she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
☻she was born on Halloween and can’t remember her birthday.
☻she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.
☻she lost her shadow.
☻she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.
☻she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job
☻she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
☻she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.
☻when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me…’Which colour?’
☻Anything Yo’s - So Damn Stupid…
☻Yo Poppa so stupid he studied for a Dope test!
☻Yo Postman so stupid that on his recorded delivery form where it says ‘Don’t write below dotted line’, he puts ‘OK’
☻Yo teacher so stupid she booked herself into the Bettie Ford clinic cos she thought she was Hooked On Phonics.
☻Yo Boss so stupid he bought everybody in the department solar powered flashlights incase of a blackout…
☻Yo Business associate so stupid he thought Gangrene was another golf course.
☻Your Kid Sister so damn stupid she put your puppy in the oven to make a Hot Dog.
☻Yo’ Sister is so insanely stupid that last week she asked me to go to the lost and found with her when she missed her
period.
☻Yo Dentist so stupid he uses mayonnaise as tooth filler
☻Yo Sister so dumb that she thought Taco Bell was Mexican phone company.
☻Your Grandpa so achingly stupid he think Beirut is a famous baseballer.
☻Your kid bro so stupid he try to strangle himself with his mobile phone.
☻Yo Minister so stupid he gives Sermons on Genesis….Phil Collins old band…
☻Your Kid sister so damn stupid she stands up on an empty School bus.
☻Yo Mom so stupid that Oxford had to change the definition of Dumb…it now read: Dumb(n) - yo’ Mama
☻Yo Burglar so stupid he broke into yo house and stole food stamps
☻You cousin so stupid I told him to take out the garbage…so he moved house…
☻Yo Bus driver so stupid that she went to Disneyworld, saw a sign that said “Disneyworld Left” so drove home.
☻Yo Politics professor so stupid he ask George W Bush to guest lecture on Government 101.
☻Yo’ accountant so darn stupid he thinks a Quarterback is an income tax refund.
☻Your Computer Repairman so stupid he picks up your floppy’s with magnets
☻Yo Mother-in-law so stupid, she won first place in the Dan Quale spelling contest
☻Yo Archeology Professor so damn stupid they have to dig for her IQ!
☻Yo Girlfriend so stupid, she teaches night classes at Stupid College.
☻Yo’ Father in law so idiotic that he took a spoon to the superbowl.
☻Yo Sister’s so stupid she could trip over a cordless telephone.
☻Yo Dog walker so stupid he took yo pet dog to the Clippers game to get him a haircut
☻Your Big Sister so god awfully stupid that they had to burn her school down just to get her out of 3rd grade.
☻Yo Father’s so freakin stupid he has 1 toe on each foot, yet he just bought himself a pair of flip flops.
☻You Grandma’s so stupid when I tell her it’s chilly outside, she goes to fetch a bowl.
☻Your Grandpa so freakin stupid he sent me a fax with a 1st class stamp on it!
☻Yo BT Telephone repairman so freakin stupid he asked me what the number for 999 was…
☻Yo girlfriend so stupid when her Apple Mac says ‘You’ve got mail” she runs outside to wait for the Postman
☻Yo Uncle so astonishingly stupid that he thought Nestle Cheerio’s were a new type of Donut Seed
☻Yo Auntie so dumb her weekly shopping list consist of 1 item - ‘Hundreds and thousands’
☻Your Dog’s so stupid he bury’s his own tail
☻Yo mama’s so stupid, wait…she had you didn’t she!
☻Yo Mother in law so stupid I saw her in Safeway’s frozen food section with a fishing rod
☻Yo Uncle so stupid…heck, he marry your Auntie for christ sake!
☻Yo Priest so stupid I saw him worshiping at the feet of David Copperfield
☻Yo Reverand so stupid he asks David Ike for advice
☻Yo Grannie so dumb she go to the 24-hr convenience store and asks what time do they close…
☻Yo Mother in law so hellishly stupid, that Tony Blair is considering making dumbness a crime, punishable by lethal
injection.
☻Your doctor’s so stupid he uses his mp3 player as a stethoscope
☻Yo Mama So Ugly
☻she put the Boogie man outta business.
☻she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt
☻when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, “Damn it, can’t believe it’s Halloween already…”
☻when she applied for the ugly contest they told her ‘NO Professionals’
☻she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
☻minutes after she was born her Mother shouted ‘What a treasure!” and her Poppa said “Yes, now let’s go and bury her…”
☻they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
☻when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours….and that was just for the quote!
☻yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye…
☻she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
☻she was a guard at Snake Mountain
☻they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock…
☻even Harry Knowles refused to date her.
☻they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!
☻she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
☻Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.
☻you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
☻she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.
☻we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
☻I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.
☻her shadow gave up.
☻people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON’t have to see her…
☻her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
☻when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
☻hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
☻instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
☻they gave her a middle name…’accident’.
☻she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
☻when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
☻even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her…
☻when she was born the Doc smacked her face.
☻Anything Yo’s - So Ugly…
☻Yo Poppa so ugly he turned Medusa to Stone.
☻Yo Postman so freakin ugly he made the guard dogs shit themselves.
☻Yo Dentist so ugly they don’t need anasthetics
☻Yo Boss so ugly people go as him for halloween.
☻Yo Priest so ugly that he have to give his Sermon from inside the Confessional Box.
☻Yo Teacher so ugly when she walks into the Building Society they turn off the CCTV cameras.
☻Yo Sister so Ugly that George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without the need for a costume.
☻Your kid bro so ugly that for Halloween he tricks or treats on his mobile phone!
☻Your Kid sister so damn ugly that when she sits on a sand dune at the beach, the cats try to bury her.
☻You cousin so ugly that when he threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.
☻Yo Driving Instructor’s so ugly he has to wear a ski-mask when teaching.
☻Yo Mother-in-law so ugly, she won first place in the Wookie lookalike contest.
☻Your Girlfriend’s so insanely ugly that I can screw her in any position and it’s still Doggy-style!
☻Yo Girlfriend so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee’s from jerking off!
☻Yo’ Father in law so ugly that his American Express card left home without him…
☻Yo Sister’s so ugly that she must been conceived on the Motorway - ain’t that where most accidents happen?
☻Yo Dog walker so ugly that he once took your Mutt to Crufts and WON - oh, the dog came second…
☻Your sister-in-law so god awful ugly that Durex want to use her as a poster child.
☻Yo Father’s so ugly his hairline ain’t receding…it’s his hair that’s running away from his ugly noggin.
☻You Grandma’s so Ugly her Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch.
☻Your Grandpa so freakin ugly that when he gets up in the mornin, the Sun goes down.
☻Yo’ Mum so ugli that even Prince Charming refuses to kiss her - he’d rather live as a frog.
☻Yo older sister so ugly that Mommy had to feed her with a fishing rod.
☻Yo Uncle so astonishingly ugly that whenever he comes over and goes to your bathroom, the toilet flushes.
☻Your Dog’s so ugly as yo Momma that I had to shave its arse and make it walk backwards…
☻Yo mama’s so ugly, hold on….you got a mirror handy???
☻Yo Mama’s sister so ugly that Blind men refuse to have sex with her.
☻Yo Uncle so ugly, Spielberg wants him in Addams Family 3
☻Your kid so ugly the Doctor is STILL smacking his ass.
☻Yo Mother in law so hellishly ugly, that president George W Bush is considering making ugliness a crime, punishable by the
electric chair
☻Yo Momma’s so ugly that she hurt my feelings…
☻Your doctor’s so ugly she manages to give Freddy Kreuger Nightmares!
☻Yo Moma So Old
☻she left her purse on Noah’s Ark.
☻Jurassic Park brought back the memories…
☻when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
☻she still owes Moses a dollar.
☻when she was at school…there was No history class!
☻she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
☻she’s got the first autographed Koran.
☻she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
☻when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock
☻she even made Yoda jealous.
☻she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
☻the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
☻when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
☻she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
☻her first job was as Cain and Abel’s baby-sitter.
☻vher birthday expired.
☻when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!
☻she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
☻Anything Yo’s - So Old …
☻Yo Grandpa so old his social security number is 000-000-001
☻Yo Priest so old he’s got Adam and Eve’s autograph
☻Yo Archeology Professor so old we found cave drawings of her.
☻Your Wife getting so old she startin to fart out Mummy dust
☻You Postman so damn old his zip code is 00001.
☻Yo’ geeky Star Wars friend so old he used to baby sit Yoda
☻Yo Doctor so old he uses chewing gum as a bandaid.
☻Yo hairdresser so old she used to cut Betty Rubble’s hair
☻You so old you used to gang bang wid the Flintstones
☻Yo’ home helper so old she was once a waitress at the last supper
☻Yo Grannie so old Spielberg hired her as historical consultant on Jurassic Park
☻Yo Nana so old she the only Creature in Jurassic Park they never had to animate
☻You Gardener so old she uses T-Rex dropping as fertilizer.
☻Yo History teacher so damn old he was co-author of the Dead Sea scrolls
☻Your Aunties so old that when God said ‘let there be light’, she was the one flicking on the light switch.
☻Yo Math teacher so old he baby-sat for Pythagorus
☻Yo Minister so old he used to get sermon tips from Zeus.
☻Yo Bookie so old he offered odds of 4 to 1 on Adam eating the apple
☻Yo Poppa so old and ugly they call him Captain Caveman
☻Yo sister so old she’s more ancient than everything seen on the Antiques Road Show
☻yo’ Mother in law so old she the only one at the old folks home with a senior citizens discount.
☻Yo’ Papa so ancient that Mel Gibson hired him to offer insights on what life was like with William Wallace
☻I told yo big sister to act her own age…and she died.
☻You Dog so old it farts out dust.
☻Yo Boyfriend so old his birth certificate says “Expired” on it.
☻Yo Computer geek friend so old he used to babysit Pascal
☻Your Girlfriend’s so old, she invented the term ‘oldest profession in the world’
☻Yo’ mother-in-law so ancient she’s in Jesus’s yearbook!
☻Yo Gardener’s so damn old he remembers when the Garden of Eden was just a plant
☻Yo’ big brother so old, he used to run Track with dinosaurs.
☻Your mother-in-law so freakin old she’s got ROman Numerals on her birth certificate
☻Yo Moma So Poor
☻that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
☻they put her photo on food stamps.
☻when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
☻she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.
☻burglars break into her home and leave money.
☻when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
☻the building society repossed her cardboard box.
☻she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
☻each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk’s fingers
☻she can’t even afford to go to the free clinic.
☻when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing….’Moving’ she replied.
☻I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.
☻when I rang her doorbell, SHE said ‘Ding-Dong’
☻I asked her where the ‘facilities were’ and she replied - “Pick a corner…ANY corner…”
☻I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - “Who’s tearing down the drapes!!!!”
☻I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said “Sure thing, it’s 4th tree on your right…”
☻only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted…
☻when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - “Lost a shoe?”, and she said - “Nope…just found one…”
☻she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
☻closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley….with a box on it…
☻she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
☻I went into her ‘living room’, stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted - “Oi, who turned off the heater!”
☻I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - “Who knocked???”
☻I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
☻she does drive by shootings on the school bus.
☻when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - “Don’t use the good china”
☻Anything Yo’s - So Poor…
☻You’re so poor even Beggars give you money.
☻Yo Grannie so damn poor she bounces food stamps.
☻Your Teachers so poor she can’t even afford to pay attention.
☻Yo Priest so poor he uses cardboard and ribena as bread and wine substitutes.
☻Yo Doctor so poor, he uses chewing gum as a bandaid.
☻You family so poor you’s live in a 2-story Cracker Jack box.
☻Yo sister is so po…shit, she can’t even afford them last 2 letters!
☻Yo Dentist is so poor she uses white-out/tippex as your tooth filler.
☻Yo’ Cleaner so poor she can’t afford a mop - she stands on her head in order to mop the floor…
☻Yo Poppa so poor his idea of Desert was to go outside and collect the ‘yellow snow’…and yo loved it, didn’t ya!
☻You Star Wars friend so insanely poor that I walked into his house, asked to use the bathroom, and he handed me a shovel
saying: “May the force be with you.”
☻Yo Father so poor that when I aks him what for dinner, he take off his shoelaces and says - Spaghetti!
☻Yo older sis getting so poor she’s planning on getting married…just so she can get the rice at the wedding.
☻Your lecturer so poor he uses his cardboard box as a blackboard.
☻Yo’ so poor, you get more government handouts than an English farmer
☻Yo’ best friend so poor he have to fart just to get a scent (cent).
☻Yo Gossiping wife so poor she can’t even afford to put her two cents into this conversation…
☻Yo Grannie so poor that when I asked her what’s for dinner, she tried to throw ME in the oven!
☻Yo’ Mommy so poor I went over for dinner, saw 3 beans on the table…took one and she said - “Don’t be greedy!”
☻You Auntie’s so poor she gotta live in a 2-story Dorritos bag…
☻Yo big brother so freakin poor I stepped on his old banged up skateboard and he yelled - “Get off my F****in CAR”
☻Yo Computer geek friend so poor he uses a Commodore 64 to surf the web.
☻Your pimp so poor he just bought an imitation of a fake Rolex
☻Yo Reverand so poor the congregation run over animals outside the church just to help with food…
☻Yo Gardener’s so damn poor that when I pissed in his yard he thanked me for watering the lawn…
☻Yo Mama’s so damn poor, her front porch matt says ‘Wel’…
☻You so piss poor…hold on, you don’t have a pot to piss in or even a window to throw it out of…
☻Yo Uncle so poor I went into his house, swatted a pesky firefly and he screamed - “Who turned out the lights?”
☻Yo Nana so sickenly poor I walks into her house, asked to use the toilet and she hand me 2 large sticks. I ask what they’re
for and she says: “Use one to hold up the ceiling…use the other to fight off the cockroaches…”
☻Yo half-sister so damn poor even the Republicans were willing to give her welfare.
☻Anything Yo’s….
☻Yo Mamma’s feet so skanky that when your family wants jam pieces, she gets yo brother to run a loaf of bread between her
toes.
☻Yo’ Grannies neck so damn wrinkled, I use it as a cheese grater.
☻I got notin bad to say about Yo Momma - heck, her face says it all…
☻Your pet Cat so freakin nasty it bit ma dog and gave it rabies.
☻Yo Auntie so stinkin that a skunk smelled her butt and passed out.
☻Yo mama’s so poor, TV dinner trays are her good china.
☻Damn it, just realised that last yo is as old as the crust in yo Sister’s knickers…
☻You liked that mama joke didn’t ya? Good?…well, nowhere near as good as Yo Mama was last night
☻But, hey, if I wanted a comeback, christ, I’d just wipe it off Yo Mamma’s chin…
☻Yo Mama like a television - even a 2 year old can turn her on!
☻You brother so hairy Big foot is taking his picture..
☻Yo Mother in law so stinky she use Right Guard and Left Guard.
☻Your Grandpa’s so hairy, Jane Goodall follows him around.
☻Yo Star wars geeky friend so damn hairy, she’s a stunt double for Chewbacca and her baby daughter played the leader of the
Ewoks (no makeup needed).
☻Yo English teacher so damn stupid, she failed a survey…
☻Yo Sista like a mailbox, open all day and all night…
☻Yo mama’s so clumsy, she got tangled up in a Mobile phone.
☻Yo mama’s like an elevator - blokes go up and down on her all day. Yo Mother in law so dmamnd Dislexus when I told her to go
get some Head and Shoulders…she jump on top of me Shoulders and gave me head!!!
☻Your IM buddies so damn stanky, I can smell them over the interweb
☻Only job yo ever gonna get is as a blind bird-watcher.
☻Yo idiotic Doctor so damn greasy that he uses Bacon as a bandaid
☻Yo Dog so short it’s best friend is an Ant.
☻Yo Auntie so flat chested she jealous of the wall.
☻Yo girlfriend so cheap I threw her a penny for sex and she gave me change…
☻The first line in the Bible was mistranslated - it actually reads - ‘In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
and yo’ fat ugly Mama’
☻Yo Grandpa’s house so damned cold, the Roaches ice skate around the kitchen.
☻Yo Momma house so small that I put my Key in the doorlock and broke the freakin back window!
☻I heard yo mama got fired from her job at the sperm bank - the boss caught her drinking on the job…
☻Yo baby sista’s nose so long, it make Steffi Graf jealous…
☻Yo Mam so damn ugly, look like the ho was hit by the whole freakin Ugly Tree!!!
☻Yo Mama so old - heck, the first line of the Koran was mistranslated - it should read ‘All praise is due to Allah, the Lord
of the Worlds and Father of Yo’ Mama’…
☻I heard that yo Granny was so disgustingly ugly that on a holiday to Egypt she looked up a Camel’s ass and scared the hump
off of it!
☻Yo Driving Instructor so damn old he got hieroglyphics on his Driver license.
☻Yo Cousin so old she drives a chariot to High school
☻I took yo Mama to the Doctor’s - I tell him that she feeling poorly and that she only got 1 toe and 1 knee. Doc tells me
she’s contracted ‘Tony’…
☻Yo Boss so damn ugly that when he leaned out the window the Police arrested him for attempted murder
☻That Grandpa of your’s so stupid and poor that when I came over for Dinner he read me recipes…
☻Yo wee brother so damn hairy that he went for a short back and sides and lost 30 pounds…
☻Yo mama’s chest hair so damn long, it growing all the way down to her willy.
☻Yo mama’s so nice, she offered me the hair off her back.
☻Yo Mother in law so nasty, she got more clap than an auditorium.
☻I’s apologise for talkin bout Yo Mama…I should know better…hell, I don’t even know the Man…
☻No seriously, under all that hair yo Mama is really a Saint….a saint Bernard!
☻But really, yo Mamma is just like a golf course - everybody gets a hole in one!
☻Yo Nana still so fat she wears a Microwave as a beeper.
☻And yo Mother-in-law so huge she stole my pillow cases when she ran outta socks.
☻Yo mama should be locked away, cos every time she moons people they turn into werewolves
☻She nasty too ya know - yo daddy just got out of hospital after eating her out - he caught food poisining…
☻Yo’momma so ugly she actually is very good at her job: Being a scarecrow
☻Yo Momma Like
☻a hardware store - only 10 cents a screw.
☻a bus - only 50 pence a ride
☻a 747 - a 3 man cock pit!
☻a shotgun - first she cocks…then she blows.
☻a Hoover - she sucks, blows, and finally gets laid back in the closet…
☻a BT phonebox - on every damn corner and costs only 20p a go
☻an arcade machine - dirty, smelly, costs 20 pence and lasts 30 seconds
☻a door knob - cos everybody gets a turn!
☻the sun - if you stare at her too long you’re gonna go blind.
☻a Christmas tree - everybody hangs balls on her.
☻Pizza Hut - not there in 30 minutes…it’s free.
☻a Bowling Ball - she gets picked up, fingered, thrown into the gutter, yet she still comes back for more…
☻a stamp - you lick her, then stick her, and finally then send her away.
☻McDonalds … Billions and Billions served…
☻a railroad track - she gets laid all over the country.
☻the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody loves to poke her
☻a Scooter - everybody ridin her but nobody admitting it
☻peanut butter — oh so smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.
☻Anything Yo’s
☻Yo secretary is like an ATM machine - open 24 hours…
☻Yo Female Boss like a 7-11…open 24 hours for your convenience…
☻Yo Sister-in-law like a chicken coop - cocks flyin in and out all day…
☻Yo’ ex-girlfriend just like a squirrel - she always got some nuts in her mouth…
☻Your Big sis like the Bermuda triangle…they swallow a whole lotta seamen.
☻Yo’ Cousin like a Penny…she ain’t worth two bob.
☻Yo Auntie like a Library - open to the public.
☻Your Mummy like Blockbuster Video - everybody goes home happy.
☻Your Aunt Mary just like a birthday cake - everybody gets a piece…
☻Yo Chip shop assistant like a fine restaraunt - she only take deliviries in rear…
☻Yo Momma so Smelly
☻the government make her wear a Biohazard warning
☻she made Right Guard call for backup.
☻even the dogs won’t smell her.
☻an old blind geezer walking by asked her ‘yo, how much for the shrimp platter?”
☻that when she spread her legs, I got seasick…
☻she wiz playin in my Sand Box and the cat came along and buried her.
☻her poo is glad to escape.
☻that standing next to a skunk, the Skunko smells sweet!
☻that the only dis I’m gonna give her is Disinfectent…
☻that when you was being born, the doctor’s and nurses all had to wear oxygen masks…
☻even sewer rats get outta her way…
☻that farmers use her bathwater as liquid fertilizer…
☻Yo Momma so Dirty
☻she has to creep up on the bath water.
☻that standin next to a tramp, she make the tramp look like a butler.
☻that her house is so dirty I gotta wipe my feet before I go back outside.
☻she lost 2 stone after taking a shower
☻that even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.
☻that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.
☻Yo Momma so Greasy
☻Texaco buy oil from her
☻she got a job at the cinema - buttering popcorn with her leg hair…
☻her freckles slipped off.
☻the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry
☻she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam…and has a full time job at the ‘Pancake Palace’ wiping pancakes across her forheed
☻her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.
☻she uses bacon as a band aid.
☻Your Mama So Fat
☻when she step on the Weight Scales it says…’to be continued’…
☻she once went on a seafood diet…whenever she saw food she ate it!
☻folk exercise by jogging around her!
☻when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
☻she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
☻she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie
☻NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
☻she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm…
☻small objects orbit her.
☻she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
☻when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
☻when she farted she launched herself into orbit.
☻she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her…behind Mount Everest.
☻when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!
☻she could be the eighth continent.
☻she nearly put Safeway out of business
☻the only thing that’s attracted to her is gravity.
☻her Uni graduation photo was an aerial
☻when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
☻she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
☻her fave food is seconds.
☻her belt size is Equator.
☻she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
☻she wears an ‘X’ jacket and Copters attempt to land on her
☻she shows up on radar.
☻she needs a map to find her butt.
☻she fell into the Grand Canyon….and got stuck!
☻she wears an asteroid belt.
☻her Passport photo says ‘Picture is continued overleaf’
☻she has TB … 2 bellys.
☻she’s once, twice, three times a lady.
☻she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
☻the circus use her as a trampoline
☻stunt agencies use her as an air mattress
☻when she opens the Fridge it says - ‘I give up…’
☻she got a new gig at the Cinema…she works as the screen
☻she once told me ‘I could eat a horse’…believe me, she wasn’t kidding!
☻she deep fries her toothpaste.
☻Anything Yo’s - So Fat…
☻Yo Grannie so damn fat, that if she was an Aeroplane, she’d be a Jumbo Jet.
☻Yo Grandpa so fat that he’s half Scottish, half Irish and half American
☻Yo Wife so fat she fell off a boat and the Captain yelled, “Land Ahoy!!!”
☻Yo Priest so fat, when he bungee jumped he went straight to hell…
☻Yo Doctor so fat, that when her Beeper goes off folk think she’s backing up.
☻Yo Auntie so fat when she goes to Gap the only thing she can fit into is the Dressing Room
☻Yo Bookie so fat he gotta buy clothes by the furlon
☻Yo Dentist so fat that when he burped he blew out all yo mamma’s teeth…that why she so ugly!
☻Yo Papa’s so large when you climb on top of him your ears pop.
☻Yo Father so fat that when he sat on a Rainbow skittles fell out.
☻Yo Sister so fat that even Richard Simmons can’t help laughing
☻Yo Sis so Monstrous she uses Soccer balls for earrings.
☻Yo Father so fat he can’t even tie his own shoelaces
☻Yo Mama so huge that God created her…and on the seventh day rested.
☻Your Kid Sister so fat the Japanese Sumo Wrestling squad had to turn her down.
☻Yo Star Trek fan so fat he make Riker’s beer belly look 2 atoms thick
☻Yo Lawyer’s so fat…we’re inside her right now.
☻Yo’ Baker so freakin fat he masturbates when reading cookbooks
☻Yo Auntie so fat that Weight Watchers threw her out for breaking the scales.
☻Yo Boss so fat that when she calls a board meeting she has to pull herself up a Sofa.
☻Yo Air hostess so fat that on a scale of 1 to 10 she a 747.
☻Your boyfriend so fat he hasn’t seen his feet for 10 years
☻Yo Bro so fat that when he farted, Mars came out…and I ain’t talkin bout the ’sweetie’
☻You Nana so fat that when she went for a swim in the ocean she caused a 60 foot tidal wave.
☻Yo Music teacher so freakin Fat that she whistles Bass
☻Yo Postman so fat he got his very own Post Code
☻You cousin so fat she’s on Both sides of the family.
☻Yo Girlfriend so fat I ask her to go get a Curry and she bring back 80 pounds of gravy.
☻Yo kid brother so fat he sat on 4 quarters and made a dollar.
☻Your Mom so fat she uses a bed mattress for a maxipad
☻Yo wife so fat she got more nooks and Crannies than a Ploughman’s pastry
☻Yo Sister so fat she got a new job DJ’ing for the Ice Cream Van.
☻Yo Momma so fat all chairs in the house have their own seatbelts.
☻Yo Dog so fat that when you take it ‘walkies’ it don’t know whether it walking or rolling
☻Your Mommas so fat, when it says All you can eat it still ain’t enough.
☻Yo’ Astronomer so fat she plays pool with Venus….and Neptune…and pluto…and…
☻Yo Moma…
☻has 10 fingers — all on the same hand.
☻has green hair and thinks she’s a Tree.
☻has a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns.
☻has wooden boobs and breast feeds beavers
☻has one short leg and that why she always walking in circles…
☻has a major weight problem - she can’t wait…to eat.
☻got a house that’s so dusty, the Cockroaches drive around in Dune Buggies
☻got a glass eye with a fish in it.
☻got so much hair on her upper lip she has to braid it
☻got so much dandruff that a Midgie landed on her head and said: “Christ, I aint’ seen this much snow in years.”
☻got so much hair on her chest that her Breasts remind me of Coconuts…
☻is a carpenter’s dream - flat as a board and so easy to nail…
☻Yo mama’s got a wooden leg with branches. Yo’ baby sister got more mouth than Julia Roberts
☻Yo’ Boy next door got an Afro with a turn signal in it.
☻Yo Doc’ got 1 wooden leg with a real foot.
☻You geeky Star Wars girlfriend got more bum fur than an Ewok.
☻Yo Mommy got so many gaps in her teeth it reminds me of Piano keys
☻Yo Best Friend only got two fingers and she’s a representative for world peace.
☻Yo’ humor webmaster so desperate for money he got a wooden leg with advertisements stapled to it.
☻You Computer Geek friend got one tooth and they call him Chomping-at-the-Bits
☻Yo’ Nana’s teeth so damb black you’d think she had coal for her dinner
☻Yo Grannie had more men than the grand old duke of york…and then some…
☻Your Auntie got one leg…and folk call her Eileen
☻Yo kid sister got so many rings round her belly that she gotta screw her underware on
☻Yo cousin got 3 teeth … one in her mouth and two in her pocket.
☻Yo PE teacher has one arm and swims round in circles
☻Yo Dentist got Summer teeth…summer in his mouth….summer in his trouser pockets…
☻You Wife got more crack than harlem
☻Your Dentist made yo teeth so crooked you use them to cut chain at the DIY store.
☻Yo Grannies got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book.
☻You got no arms, no legs, and when you go swimming they call you Bob
☻Yo Wife got more weave than a dog in rush hour traffic.
☻Yo Girlfriend got an ElectroWig - including sunroof and Opera lights
☻Yo Big brother got a wooden nipple and they call him Corky.
☻Yo Priest got ears so big he gets satellite reception.
☻Your kid bro got more crust round his mouth than a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
☻Yo Milkman’s teeth so damn yellow I can’t believe it’s not butter
☻Your Wife getting so old she startin to fart out Mummy dust
☻Yo Mother in law so yellow you’d think she’d been blowing the Simpsons
