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Funny SMS Jokes
☻friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my
pants xxxx

☻(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my
arse!!

☻He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk
into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

☻Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will
be THE MAN!!

☻Viagra now available in eye drops, you don’t get an erection but you look hard!

☻T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go
down on u.not even a network

☻I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery
day!
☻When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.

☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
☻Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

☻Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.

☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

☻First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

☻Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

☻Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you
ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!

☻Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.

☻Bad sex is better then a good day in school.

☻Never let a man’s mind wander, it’s too little to be out on it’s own!!!!

☻Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…

☻Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams……

☻My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too…

☻Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? …Okay, then can we just practice?

☻I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

☻Jesus loves you… everyone else thinks your an asshole…

☻If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…

☻Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!

☻Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis………………………ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry…………..

☻Never let a man’s mind wander, it’s too little to be out on it’s own!!!!

☻It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo… 1 was caught watching tv… another playing football and the third one was caught reading
this txt message

☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

☻The longest sentence known to man: “I do.”

☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading
this

☻Crime doesn’t pay…Does that mean my job is a crime?

☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! …
Now read without the word dog.

☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

☻I want to suck you… lick you… wanna move my tongue all over you…wanna feel you in my mouth…yep, tat’s how u…eat an ice
cream!

☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

☻Don’t spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next
morn buy it back for 50p.

☻Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you
is a maniac?

☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears…

☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

☻I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.

☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who’s there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

☻What’s the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

☻Why was Phillip’s girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don’t, you’ve told her twice already!

☻What’s the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors

☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

☻I’m late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn’t come back for a day and a half.

☻I like Kids. But I don’t think I could eat a whole one.

☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

☻Why doesn’t Jesus eat M and M’s? Cos they fall through his hands.

☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I’m home!

☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don’t know. Never happens.

☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: He couldn’t take his foot of the accelerator.

☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An f****ing know it all.

☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”.

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

☻ I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor … what say we tie up for the night?

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.

☻ Why’d the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool…

☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.

☻ It’s no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

☻ Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re NOT out to get you.

☻ You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

☻ I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

☻ My Reality Check bounced.

☻ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

☻ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

☻ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!

☻Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

☻Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

☻There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

☻Borrow money from pessimists–they don’t expect it back

☻As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

☻Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

☻What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.

☻What’s the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

☻Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

☻A: Run like hell….she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.

☻Why don’t men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don’t have any. 1

☻What’s the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.

☻What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

☻A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

☻Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

☻How Dogs and Women are alike…..
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.

☻Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

☻If you jogged backward … would you gain weight?

☻Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
“101 Ways to Wok Your Dog”

☻If you can’t change your mind, are you sure you still have one?

☻Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that’s how dogs spend their lives.

☻I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

☻I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.

☻Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.

☻A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman for a “double entendre” - so he gave her one!

☻Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says “Oi - get out! We don’t want your type in here”

☻A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

☻A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says “Sorry we don’t serve food in here”

☻A dyslexic man walks into a bra

☻A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road.”

☻A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who
shot my paw.”

☻Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental
medication.

☻I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her
clogs.

☻Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that
you can’t have your kayak and heat it.

☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo… 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught
reading this txt message

☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

☻The longest sentence known to man: “I do.”

☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading
this

☻Crime doesn’t pay…Does that mean my job is a crime?

☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! …
Now read without the word dog.

☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

☻I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you…wanna feel you in my mouth…yep, tat’s how u…eat an ice
cream!

☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

☻Don’t spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next
morn buy it back for 50p.

☻Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you
is a maniac?

☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears…

☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

☻I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.

☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who’s there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

☻What’s the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

☻Why was Phillip’s girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

☻What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!

☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don’t, you’ve told her twice already!

☻What’s the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors

☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer’s disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

☻I’m late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn’t come back for a day and a half.

☻What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who’s too drunk to follow orders.

☻I like Kids. But I don’t think I could eat a whole one.

☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

☻For sale : Air Bags, Used once.

☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

☻What’s the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

☻Why doesn’t Jesus eat M and M’s? Cos they fall through his hands.

☻What’s pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I’m home!

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don’t know. Never happens.

☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: He couldn’t take his foot of the accelerator.

☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An fucking know it all.

☻A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”.

☻Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

☻Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

☻I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor … what say we tie up for the night?

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.

☻Why’d the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

☻What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool…

☻Q: How did the Pollack burn his face?

A: Bobbing for french fries.

☻Q: What’s difference between Yogurt and Australia?

A: One has a real live culture.

☻Q: What’s diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag?
A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying ‘Who’s there? Every time I knock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s There?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Mummy.
Mummy who?
Mummeasles are better so can I come in?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There’s no need to cry, it’s only a joke.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s cold out here.

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma’s gone?

☻Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that’s why I knocked.

☻We will now upgrade your brain, please wait….Searching….searching…still searching….sorry,NO BRAIN found…!☻I’M AN ALIEN. I
HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I’M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT
BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING

☻All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I
feel for you.

☻If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

 

Friendship SMS and Jokes
 

☻FRIENDSHIP IS….
FRIENDSHIP isn’t how U forGet but how U forGive, Not how U liSten but how U UnderStand, Not what U see but how U feel, and not how U Let Go but how U hold oN!!!
☻NICE FRIENDS
A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a friend like U making my everyday seems so great. Thank U my good friend lastly gd nite n sweet dreams…
☻ PRICELESS GIFT
FriEndSHiP iS A PRiCeLeSs GiFt tHaT cAn’T Be BoUgHt Or SoLd, BuT To Have An UnDeRsTaNdiNg FriEnd iS FaR MoRe WoRtH tHaN GoLd~!

☻FRIENDSHIP TEST…
thE tEst oF fRiEndsHip dOseN’t cOmeS wHen u R 2GethEr. It cOmEs wHeN u ParT waYs & u ReaLizE tHat dEsPitE tHe dIsTanCe, thE fRiEndshIp iS sTilL tHeRe…

 

☻FRIENDS
True friends are like Diamonds… they are real and rare. False friends are like leaves… they are scattered everywhere.

 

☻F.U.C.K
REMEMBER: if u need a FUCK, u can always count on me bcoz F.U.C.K stands for FRIENDS U CAN KEEP. Fuck 4ever, & promise me that we FUCK till eternity!
☻SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED
If you need advice, text me… If you need a friend, call me… If you need me, come to me… If you need money… ……….. THE SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!

 

☻ COMPARE
FRIENDSHIP is like a tree… It is not MEASURED on how TALL it could be, but is on how DEEP the ROOTS HAVE GROWN…

 

☻FRIENDS 4 LIFE
Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard. Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!

 

☻COMPUTER
A good friend is like a computer; me ‘enter’ ur life, ’save’ u in my heart, ‘format’ ur problems, ’shift’ u 2 opportunities & never ‘delete’ u from my memory!

 

☻FRIENDS ALWAYS
In this WORLD, where everything seems UNCERTAIN, only one thing is DEFINITE. You’ll always be my FRIEND, beyond WORDS, beyond TIME & beyond DISTANCE!

 

☻ANGEL FRIENDS
I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I’m surrounded by angels but I call them my best friends.

☻ FRIENDSHIP
The ship that will never sink is my friendship with you.

 

☻ NEVER SPLIT
I met U as a stranger, I leave U as a friend, as long as the world stands, our friendship nv ends. All friends nv split N even if they do they will meet again.

 

☻NEVER LOSE TRUE FRIENDS
I always thought loving some1 was the greatest feeling, but I realised tat loving a friend is even better, we lose ppl we love but we never lose true friends.

 

☻ WITHOUT A FRIEND LIKE U
EveRyDay I seE LoTs oF StRangErS PasSiNg By mE, ThiS mAkeS mE reAlisED tHat, LifE woUlD be BORING, WiThoUt A FriEnD LiKE U…

 

☻ BEHIND YOU
DuRiNg OuR FrIeNdShIp, ThErE wIlL B TiMeS U wOn’t SeE Me BeSiDe U, DuN ThInK I LeFt U BeHiNd, I JuSt ChOsE To WaLk BeHiNd U So I CaN CaTcH U WhEn U Fall…

 

☻ NAKED
GUY: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy. GAL: If I see you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

 

☻ MAKING LOVE
After making love, wat r u tryin to say? I love u? Wrong! 1 more time? Wrong. U r so pretty?Wrong. I’m so tired? Wrong! The answer is tissue…tissue…plsss!!!

 

☻KISS
A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum. what is a kiss without a tongue.

 

☻PAINTING
A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he answered - waitng 4 autumn.

 

☻FALLING APART
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. I’m afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom.

 

☻HOME EARLY
1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, ‘Hey buddy, why are you doing that?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’

 

☻ NEVER LOSE ME!
We gain and lose things every day. But trust me on one thing: YOU WILL NEVER LOSE ME! I will always be there as a friend!

 

☻BEST FREN
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

 

☻SHOOTING STARS
The times we shared is like shooting star… the time is short but really beautiful moments…. Forever engraved in our hearts…. Friends forever~!!!

 

☻ KEEPING A FRIEND
KeEping a FRIEND is As Difficult AS losing one. U sacrifice A lot To keep them. I may not have sacrificed enuf 4 u… but in my HEART I swear I’m keeping U..

 

☻ PROMISE
We’ve known each other by CHANCE, became friends by CHOICE, still friends by DECISION. And when we say FRIEND FOREVER, that’s definitely a lifetime PROMISE!

 

☻FLOWER
If friends were flowers I would not pick you! I’ll let you grow in the garden & cultivate you with love and care so I can keep you as a friend 4ever!!

 

☻ A RING
A ring is round and has no end…. and that’s how long I’ll be your friend.

 

☻WONDERFUL FRIEND
There is a gift that gold cannot buy, a blessing dats rare & true, dats the gift of a wonderful friend like the friend dat i have in u!

 

☻WAT U SEE
Wat u see as truth wat u see as lies remember that true friendship never dies although we may change & drift apart, ill always value u deep within my heart!

 

☻ FATE 2B FRIENDS
A friend is never a coincidence in your life, they are meant to enter your life to bring you joy and laughter. So, i will treasure the friendship between us.

 

☻ WHAT YOU SAY
Everyone hears what you say… Friends listen to what you say… Best friends listen to what you don’t say…

 

☻ FRIENDSHIP MEANS…
I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry, I cry. U laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n then.. I laugh again.. hahaha

 

☻ ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU…
Friends are like stars. You can’t always see them, But you know they are always there for you…

 

☻ LEAVING FOOTPRINTS
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

 

☻AS LONG AS….
As long as we have memories, yesterday remains; as long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have Friendship, each day is never a waste.

 

☻ MY BRA
a gd friend is like a gd bra… hard to find, very comfortable, supportive, and always close to the heart….. HELLO MY GD BRA

 

☻ PRICETAGS
GOD is so wise that he never created FRIENDS with pricetags, Because….. if He did, I can’t afford a precious FRIEND like YOU!!!

 

☻OLD FRIENDS
Never abandon old friends. They are hard 2 replace. Friendships is like wine: it gets BETTER as it grows OLDER. Just like us… i get BETTER, u get OLDER.

 

☻ PATH OF FRIENDSHIP
The sun is glazing, upon the sunlight i see the path of our friendship shining brightly knowing that it is so great to have a friend like YOU!

 

☻ NIGHT PRAYER
Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can’t make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.

 

☻ABOUT ME
Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, Spontaneous, Good Looking, Nice Friends, Charming, Funny, well… Enough about ME! How about you?

 

☻ GOOD TASTE
A phone is a form of communication, a kiss is a form of affection. A picture is a form of remembrance, CHOOSING me as ur FRIEND is a form of.. ehem GOOD TASTE!

 

☻ BE MY FRIEND
If U need a friend and there are a hundred steps between us, you can take the 1st step to get near me and i will take all 99 step to be there for you.

 

☻ RULES TO BE HAPPY
6 rules to be HAPPY: Free your heart from hatred; Free your mind from worries; Live simply; Expect less; Give more & Always have ME as UR FRIEND

 

☻ FRIENDS
Time might lead me to nowhere; Fate might break me apart; I’ll always be thankful that once, along my life’s journey I found a friend like U…

 

☻KISS MY ASS
The fluffy clouds may kiss the sky, The rose may kiss the butterfly, The morning dew may kiss the grass,But u my friend can kiss my ass!

 

☻RING
I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend’s hand, ‘Cause everytime she’d wipe her rear I’d see the promised land….

 

☻ FRIENDS LIKE HAIR
Friends are like a head of hair. You might lose some, but with enough $money$ you can buy them back.

☻OUT OF MY CONTROL
Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control.

 

☻ MEMORY LASTS FOREVER
A memory lasts forever, and never does it die. True friends stay together and never say good bye.

Funniest PUN SMS Jokes

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
Gravity is studied a lot because it’s a very attractive field.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
Prison walls are never built to scale.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
When one is afflicted with loss of balance they never quite know vertigo.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
They tried to keep a locksmith in prison, but the nut bolted.
There was a fight in the candy store. Two suckers got licked.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
Isn’t the
Grand Canyon just gorges?
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
Some people’s noses and feet are build backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
Some musicians can be sharp, which is not natural.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
He said I was average - but he was just being mean.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in
Seine.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in
France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
It’s better to love a short girl than not a tall.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.
There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for lack of concentration.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical
Aleutian.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
The church janitor was also the organist, and had to watch his keys and pews.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
We were so poor when I was growing up we couldn’t even afford to pay attention.
Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.
The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
He wears glasses during math because it improves divison.
The two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged.
Suspenders are in their own support group.
A doctor drank while putting on patients’ casts. He was soon plastered.
Be true to your teeth, or they will be false to you.
He avoided funerals because he was not a mourning person.
Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.
When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.
She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.
I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
In democracy its your vote that counts. In feudalism its your count that votes.
When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
It wasn’t school John disliked it was just the principal of it.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
To some - marriage is a word … to others - a sentence.
If you give some managers an inch they think they’re a ruler.
A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don’t yell out Hi Jack!
The couple who met in a revolving door are still going round together.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.
The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.
When the smog lifts in
Los Angeles, U C L A.
A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing.
When asked by a passenger how high he would get, the pilot replied,’I don’t do drugs.’
Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
Old power plant workers never die they just de-generate.
A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.
Tennis players don’t marry because Love means Nothing to them.
A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Ancient orators tended to
Babylon.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
An office with many people and few electrical outlets could be in for a power struggle.
The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.
Goats in
France are musical because they have french horns.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Talking to her about computer hardware I make my mother board.
There was a ghost at the hotel, so they called for an inn spectre.
Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.
The optician fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
The queen’s favourite chef was knighted Sir Loin.
When the human cannonball retired they couldn’t find a replacement of the right caliber.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
An illiterate fisherman was lost at c.
Local Area Network in
Australia: the LAN down under.
The Buddhist refused pain-killers during the root canal because he wanted to transcend dental medication.
When chemists die, we barium.

 

Decent SMS and Jokes
☻ FRIENDSHIP MEANS…

I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry, I cry. U laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n
then.. I laugh again.. hahaha
☻ HEARTBREAKS

Heartbreaks will last as long as you want and Cut as deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive
heartbreaks but to learn from them.
☻ KNOWING YOURSELF

Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

☻ WHO YOU TRUST

There’s always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who
you trust next time around.
☻YOUR SMILE

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
☻ YOU CAN’T…

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can’t have them.
☻ BEAUTIFUL MOON

I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful… I look at you.. I.. I… I’d rather look at the moon again..
☻ TYPE OF EGGS

There r 6 types eggs. Chicken egg = ji dan, Duck egg = ya dan, Bomb = zha dan, Person readin dis = hun dan, if u r smilin nw
= chun dan & if angry = ben dan.
☻ VALUE OF LIFE

The value of life does not depend on the length of time on this Earth but rather on the amount of love given and shared to
the people we care about.
☻ MEN!

Mental anxiety, Mental breakdowns, Menstrual cramps, Menopause… Did you ever notice how all problems begin with MEN!
☻ GRATEFUL

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will
know how to be grateful.
☻ WASTING YOUR TIME

Don’t waste your time on a man/woman, who isn’t willing to waste their time on you.

 

There are still a few things free in this world, and one of them is a good laugh. I believe this small attempt to find, sort & present a little bag of humor, will get a smile on your face or a tickle to your friend. I will be happy if you can share such moments here in the comments.

P.S.

This is a basic version of the site I am building. I am sorting more jokes and creating more categories with the help of your response to this site . I will update you soon with more information which, I am sure will give you more fun.

Happy texting